


green isn't your color

by karkat_marx



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Humanstuck, M/M, This Is STUPID, assuredly very unfunny simp jokes, but you probably wont, i mean i thought they were funny, idiots to lovers, im putting actual titles on my work now are you proud of me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:13:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23865829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/karkat_marx/pseuds/karkat_marx
Summary: in which karkat warns dave to keep his hands off his girl, in the form of a pesterlog
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas
Comments: 7
Kudos: 48





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> maybe i should make a timeline for this shit

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--  
TG: mr vantas  
TG: to what do i owe the pleasure  
CG: SHUT THE FUCK UP.  
CG: I'M GOING TO KEEP THINGS BRIEF HERE, SO THAT I DON'T WASTE TIME BEATING AROUND THE BUSH TRYING TO PUT THINGS IN A VAGUE WAY THAT YOUR ASSUREDLY WALNUT-SIZED BRAIN CAN COMPREHEND.  
CG: LONG STORY SHORT, I DON'T LIKE HOW CLOSE TO TEREZI YOU'RE GETTING.  
TG: so  
TG: shes just a friend  
TG: its not like im gonna try anything lmao  
CG: SAYING YOU WON'T DO ANYTHING ISN'T ENOUGH.  
CG: ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS, YOU FERMENTED SACK OF SHIT. ANYONE EVER TELL YOU THAT?  
TG: oh yeah  
TG: how do you know for sure youre gonna get it on with her anyways  
CG: WE HAVE A *CONNECTION*, DAVE.  
CG: ROMANCE IS A SUBTLE ART. SOMEONE AS SARDONIC AND HALFWITTED AS YOU SIMPLY WOULDN'T GET IT.  
TG: dude do you even hear yourself right now  
TG: youre not a fucking romance master for having watched 27 dresses 27 times  
TG: thats like saying youre a professional chef for watching youtube cooking tutorials  
TG: or saying youre a sex god for having a crippling porn addiction  
TG: the best way to learn is by doing man if you really want to "win" terezi over you have to actually make a move  
CG: I WILL!  
CG: I HAVE EVERYTHING PLANNED OUT. MAKING MY MOVE JUST HAPPENS TO COME LATER ON. WHAT DO YOU TAKE ME FOR, AN IDIOT?  
TG:  
TG: you  
TG: have everything planned out  
CG: FUCKING OF *COURSE* I DO!  
TG: holy FUCK  
TG: dude i dont even know what to SAY  
TG: i  
TG: pfff  
TG: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA  
CG: STOP LAUGHING!  
CG: I PLAN EVERYTHING TO MAKE SURE MY RELATIONSHIP WITH TEREZI GOES SWIMMINGLY. SHE'S PERFECT, AND COMPARED TO HER, I'M HARDLY ANYBODY.  
CG: I CAN'T BLOW THIS. I NEED A PLAN.  
TG: but you cant just PLAN everything  
TG: life isnt a romcom you cant control the way it goes  
TG: you cant force your way into a happy ending  
TG: what you NEED to do is stop simping over her  
CG: I'M *NOT* A SIMP!  
TG: oh my god you so are  
TG: youre such a fucking simp  
CG: NO!  
CG: IN FACT, I ASSURE YOU I'M ANYTHING BUT!  
TG: sorry dude hate to be the bearer of bad news but  
TG: you gotta face the truth  
TG: and the truth is  
TG: youre straight simpin  
carcinoGeneticist [CG] blocked turntechGodhead [TG]  
TG: you can block me but you cant block the truth  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> its mental breakdown time

Romance is hard. It's hard and nobody understands. Did you even *mean* any of the things you just said to Dave?

Do you want to know?

You feel yourself heave a sigh as you hit the unblock button just beside his chumhandle. You know as well as he does that you can't stay mad forever, and especially not at him. Needless to say, you're coy about the way you feel for Dave. You taunt each other mercilessly. You throw around empty threats and insults at all the time. But he's your fucking best fucking friend, and though you'd rather die than admit it, he very well may be the best thing that's ever happened to you.

You wish, more than anything, that you could stop being so hostile to everyone. To Dave. To Terezi. You knew as soon as you started that conversation that it wasn't what you had meant to say, but what else would anyone expect from you? Now that you think about it, you're not even sure about the way you feel for Terezi. You thought she could be the one. Really, you did. But now, it's obvious to you that whatever spark you had before is gone.

Which isn't to say you even had one in the first place.

You know you're jealous of the relationship Dave and Terezi are building, but you don't know why.

Your name is Karkat Vantas, and right now, you are an absolute fucking mess of contradictions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not exactly proud of the way i wrote this but you know what im posting it anyways


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> karkat apologizes for being a jealous idiot

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--  
CG: HEY.  
TG: oh god what is it now  
CG: COULD YOU *PLEASE* SHUT UP FOR FIVE FUCKING SECONDS SO I CAN SAY WHAT I NEED TO SAY, OR IS THAT OUTSIDE YOUR CAPABILITY?  
CG: I'M HERE TO APOLOGIZE. FOR THE WHOLE TEREZI THING.  
TG: huh  
CG: DID I FUCKING STUTTER?  
CG: I TALKED IT OVER WITH A FRIEND OF MINE AND SHE SPEWED SOME BULLSHIT TO ME ABOUT HOW I LIKED THE *IDEA* OF BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH HER, BUT DIDN'T WANT TO ACTUALLY MAKE THAT A REALITY.  
CG: AND...WELL. THE MORE I LISTENED, THE MORE I REALIZED THAT BULLSHIT ACTUALLY MADE SENSE.  
CG: SHE ALSO TOLD ME THAT WHAT I REALLY NEEDED WAS CLOSURE. I WON'T BE ABLE TO MOVE ON FROM THIS STEAMING HOT PILE OF SHIT IF I DON'T GET ANY.  
CG: SO...  
CG: IS THERE ANYTHING YOU'D LIKE TO SHARE WITH THE CLASS?  
TG: deadass  
TG: i was bullshitting about the whole not being into her thing  
CG:  
CG:  
CG:  
CG: YOU WERE *WHAT*?  
TG: dude whatd you expect  
TG: cant you see how hot she is  
TG: do you have eyes  
CG: I'M FULLY AWARE OF HOW HOT SHE IS!  
TG: ok im sorry for lying to you but i didnt wanna say anything  
TG: didnt wanna piss you off yknow  
TG: but i guess it doesnt matter now anyways  
TG:  
TG: WAIT  
CG: I WASN'T LYING ABOUT REALIZING I NEVER HAD ANY REAL INTEREST IN HER.  
CG: BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON'T APPRECIATE YOUR DISHONESTY. I REALLY DON'T.  
TG: look i was being kind of a douche by not telling you  
CG: OH, REALLY?  
TG: shut up  
TG: but i wasnt going to like make a move or anything  
TG: i didnt have it as bad for her as it looked like you did  
TG: and i could never do that to you man  
TG: youre my bro  
TG: and as such i am legally obligated to follow the bro code and refrain from interfering with whatever relationships you may want to get into  
TG: so do you think you can forgive me  
CG: AGAINST MY BETTER JUDGEMENT, YES.  
CG: BUT YOU'RE ON THIN FUCKING ICE!  
TG: yeah yeah love you too  


TG: karkat  
TG: karkles  
TG: kitkat  
TG: you good  
carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG]  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was honestly thinking about just not adding to this fic anymore but out of nowhere i got some inspiration so. maybe. expect more content soon? haha jk jk
> 
> unless? 😳


End file.
